Game of thrones season 8 episode 1

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We’re baaaaaaaaack! The final session of our fantasy sports league trò chơi of trò chơi of Thrones, which is run by Fantasizr, is upon us. It’s time to batten down the hatches, obsess over whether you got a worthy lineup, và pray to lớn the Westeroham mê gods that your drafted characters don’t happen khổng lồ cross paths with a couple of angry, hungry dragons. (Or if they bởi vì, that you’re given the bonus points for memorable deaths.) Before we jump into the episode, here’s a reminder of how the score breakdown works & the changes we’ve made for the final season. The season 8 premiere was fairly easy to lớn score. It was the equivalent a hot tub you ease yourself into lớn until your body adjusts khổng lồ the temperature. There shouldn’t be any wild surprises that leave sầu us debating whether points should have been awarded. We can save that for next week.

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The season 8 premiere was a little lackluster when it came to lớn the violent devastation we’re used to in trò chơi of Thrones, but that’s okay. It’s better to lớn treat this final season like a maranhỏ, not a sprint. The premiere opens up with Daenerys, Jon Snow, her inner circle, & the impressive sầu army she’s collected over the last few seasons riding into lớn Winterfell. It’s not exactly a warm welcome by any stretch of the imagination, but at least Tyrion & Varys have sầu each other’s company — though perhaps that’s not as delightful as it seems. Tyrion opens the episode by poking fun at Varys for being a eunuch. When asked why it’s acceptable for Tyrion to badger Varys but not the other way around, Tyrion responds, “Because I have balls and you don’t.” (+5) Look, I’m a sucker for a good balls joke. Is it because I’m perpetually 10 years old at heart? Probably.

Varys may not be pleased with Tyrion’s constant taunting, but at least he’s not the only one in Winterfell working overtime to suppress a grimace. Jon Snow returns home to hugs from his sisters và an emotionless acknowledgment from Bran (who truly has become a case example in the ongoing study of whether sociopaths are a bysản phẩm of nature or nurture), but that’s all. Lyanmãng cầu Mormont, my new personal nhân vật, eviscerates Jon in the Great Hall for leaving Winterfell as King in the North and returning as Daenerys’ arm candy. Even when he tries to defend himself, it’s clear that riding inkhổng lồ town beside Daenerys has lost hlặng the respect of his black-clad countrymen và women. Poor Jon. He should adapt his best Timãng cầu Turner, & yell out lớn all those judging hlặng, “What’s love got lớn bởi with it?” (It, in this case, being the prevention of Winterfell falling.)


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Lyanna Mormont at the Great Hall in Winterfell. HBO
Even those on Winterfell’s main council, however, have their concerns with Daenerys. Sansa Stark, Lady of Winterfell, tells Daenerys, “Winterfell is yours” upon their arrival, but that doesn’t mean Sansa’s going to shut up and st& by. For example, she wants to know how Daenerys & Jon plan khổng lồ keep the citizens of Winterfell fed when there are thousands more mouths to lớn feed now. And what about the dragons? What do dragons even eat, Sansa not-so-politely asks. “Whatever they want,” Daenerys replies, in an even, “Oh, this is how you want to lớn bởi vì it?” tone.

I’m not one khổng lồ pit two incredibly amazing women against each other, but I thrive sầu on the drama. If this were an episode of Real Housewives, Sansa và Daenerys would have sầu gotten inkhổng lồ it already. I’m not saying trò chơi of Thrones needs to lớn become Real World.

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I’m just saying Winterfell could learn a little from Bravo và MTV reality shows.

It doesn’t matter that Jon Snow’s girlfrikết thúc and sister are fighting. Being a stoic male stereotype, he avoids it all by going for a solitary walk và running inkhổng lồ his sister Arya. Finally, he thinks as they embrace, someone who’s not fighting with my girlfriend! But it turns out, that isn’t quite the case. After Arya confesses that she’s a murderer now (which Jon ignores), she also gets on his case about his family duties. Jon has just returned khổng lồ Winterfell, và before he can have a bowl of goat stew, he’s having khổng lồ defkết thúc his dragon-riding girlfrikết thúc khổng lồ the rest of his family — except Bran, who’s too busy staring at people in the courtyard to care about the inner workings of their family drama.


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Euron Greyjoy professing his “love” for Cersei. HBO
Forget the North, though. It’s time to lớn head south. King’s Landing has always been my favorite setting in Game of Thrones. It’s trang chủ to lớn the messiest of messy people. This season is no exception. Euron Greyjoy, the worst goth boy who ever roamed the seas, has returned to King’s Landing with the army of mercenaries and horses he promised Cersei. (But he’s short on elephants.) They arrive sầu at an opportune moment: she’s just learned that the White Walkers have sầu busted through the Wall in the North. The monstrous undead can take care of her enemies, và, while she doesn’t seem to lớn have thought about what happens after that, she’s feeling pretty, pretty, pretty good, as Larry David would say.

Euron’s barely back in town when he hits on Cersei (+5 for a bold come-on), và he also has a drink (+10) while telling his tied-up niece, Yara Greyjoy, that he’s going to lớn “fuông xã the queen.” Euron sucks. He’s the type of guy you’d think is cute while sitting at a bar, & then he says literally anything, và you’re already faking a dying relative to escape. He more or less says Cersei owes him sex at this point, and I could barely contain my squeal of excitement when she perfectly responds by saying, “You want a whore, buy one. You want a queen, earn her.” Brutal. (+10)

The fact that she proceeds lớn hook up with hyên (+15, Cersei và Euron) anyway is questionable, but I get it. Look, it’s been a while, and a woman has needs. Plus, Euron has Big Diông chồng Energy. His arrogance just gets worse after they’ve had sex. Cersei drinks some wine (+10) & reminds him that she’s killed other men for their insolence. Euron smirks & says, “They were lesser men.” (+5) He then promises lớn “put a prince” inside her before leaving. Is Euron twisted? Yes. Is he disgusting? Without question. Is he a key player in keeping the messy drama thriving? Absolutely. And for that, I am grateful he’s around.

If you thought Game of Thrones had moved on from over-the-top sex scenes, it hasn’t! We reconnect with shirtless, slightly pantless Bronn (+5 for PG-13 clothing loss) in a brothel. He’s with three prostitutes who mostly just want to lớn talk about Daenerys’ dragons & what happened lớn Ed Sheeran’s Lannister soldier character. Bronn just wants khổng lồ forget the battle entirely, hence the drink in his hands (+10). Just as he’s beginning to lớn enjoy himself (+10 for random sex), he’s interrupted by old Qyburn (+10 for watching people have sầu sex). Cersei needs Bronn to head North and find her brothers, Tyrion and Jaime. If they survive sầu the White Walkers, she wants Bronn to kill them with the same crossbow that killed her father Tywin. Remember that death? While he was on the toilet? Imagine: Jaime has ridden north to lớn try lớn protect Cersei và their baby, & here she is trying lớn kill hlặng. In the immortal words of Tina Turner, “What’s love sầu got to vì chưng with it?”


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Theon Greyjoy rescuing his sister, Yara. HBO
So far, Game of Thrones’ return has delivered the drama và sex we’re used to, but there’s been a noticeable laông chồng of killing. That’s where Theon Greyjoy comes in. While Euron is out there, stirring things up, promising khổng lồ put princes in queens, Theon & his band of merry Kraken men take out a couple of Euron’s soldiers. (It seems lượt thích about four of them die, but it’s unclear how many Theon killed himself, so we compromised with a +trăng tròn that assumes he personally took out at least a couple.) Theon makes good on his promise of rescuing Yara and heads home to lớn the Iron Islands. This episode has reunions for everyone!

Speaking of reunions, bachồng in Winterfell, the North’s new Gossip Girl team has united to lớn talk about Jon & Daenerys’ relationship. Varys, Tyrion, và Ser Davos are watching the two lovebirds talk to lớn each other, discussing the benefits of a marriage between two powerful houses. Alas, if only they knew what Bran và Sam know! But more on that later.

Out of prying eyes & ears, Jon và Daenerys walk around the courtyard. They have much to discuss. First, an army of grotesque zombies is on its way khổng lồ destroy everything and everyone Jon loves. More importantly, Sansa has an issue with Daenerys, which means Daenerys has an issue with Sansa. Jon can’t just hike his way out of this one! What follows is something out of a teen drama (và I have watched many a teen drama).

Daenerys: “Your sister doesn’t lượt thích me.”

Jon: “She doesn’t know you!”

Daenerys: “I am her queen!! If she can’t respect me…”

I told you, I’m here for the messiness this season. None of this really matters anyway because, within the next few minutes, Game of Thrones’ eighth season gives in to temptation. We finally get to lớn see Jon ride Rhaegal, the dragon named after his biological father. Who doesn’t love sầu good narrative styling?


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Jon Snow with his dragon-father-namesake, Rhaegal. HBO
Jon and Daenerys are riding dragons through the air (+25 for both), swooping và soaring. It’s quite a remarkable feat khổng lồ see on a television show. It’s also heavily reminiscent of Harry Potter riding Buckbeak for the first time in Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban or any of the scenes in How To Train Your Dragon 2. That doesn’t lessen the beauty of this trò chơi of Thrones moment, but I watched it with the instantly recognizable overture of the Harry Potter films running through my head.

They finally l&, và Jon, in a moment of complete euphoric dizziness, turns to Daenerys. “You’ve completely ruined horses for me.” (+5). Jon & Daenerys are still in their honeymoon stage. They’re all lovey-dovey. They’ve already deleted the Westeros version of Tinder. It’s adorable.

Unfortunately, they can’t run away from their problems, & they have khổng lồ return to lớn Winterfell. Jon, riding high from his ride, confronts Sansa. She’s pissed. House Glover isn’t going lớn ride with them into war, and Sansa blames Jon. He abandoned his post! He was supposed to be King in the North, và now he’s come baông chồng with this outsider? “I’m telling you, it doesn’t matter who holds what title,” Jon tells her. “She’ll be a good queen. She’s not her father.”

I suppose that’s one way khổng lồ get your sister khổng lồ try và warm up to lớn your girlfrikết thúc. It’s maybe not the way I would have sầu suggested, but to lớn each their own! Sansa asks Jon if he bent the knee khổng lồ save sầu the North or because he was in love, & he doesn’t get a chance khổng lồ respond. Knowing Jon, he would probably say something like, “Can’t I love both?” Boooo! This is war, Jon! There’s no time for pedantic “both sides” arguments right now. And this is not how you win your sister over khổng lồ the woman you’re in love with, anyway! Ugh. Where’s your inner Timãng cầu Turner, Jon? It’s because of Sansa’s snappy one-liners, rebellion against her new Queen, và her ability to lớn make Jon Snow feel lượt thích dirt that I’m crowning her MVP of this episode (+20).


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Sam learning that, actually, his family is dead. HBO
Somewhere else in the castle, Daenerys & Jorah Mormont are walking around like they own the place, which technically they vì now. They seek out Samwell Tarly to lớn thank him for saving Jorah. Then things get awkward. Sam may not know Daenerys is sleeping with her nephew, và he definitely doesn"t know she killed his father & brother — until she tells hyên ổn. The emotional punches don’t stop there, either. Bran, taking a brief break from staring creepily at people in the Winterfell courtyard, tells Sam he must alert Jon to lớn his true parentage. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from trò chơi of Thrones The Lord of the Rings, it’s that friendly blokes named Sam always over up having to lớn put up the most emotional labor.

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First, though, it’s baông chồng to the North. Tormund, Dolorous Edd, & Beric Dondarrion are at House Umber’s keep, Last Hearth, where they walk inkhổng lồ something out of a Satanic ritual put on by a bunch of bored suburban kids gone wrong. They find young Ned Umber, the boy who appeared early in the episode during the Great Hall scene, pinned to lớn a wall. His men have been hacked lớn pieces and used lớn create one of those red spirals that White Walkers love sầu khổng lồ leave sầu at the scene of their crimes. It’s pretty horrific, but then Ned Umber lets out an ear-piercing shriek that, according to people present at the Thành Phố New York premiere, scared the living poop out of attendees.

Beric, always the Solid Snake cosplayer of my dreams, lights up his magical sword (+50) and burns Ned Umber, killing hyên for good (+25). It’s one of the more spectacular deaths (+25 for Ned) we’ve sầu seen in trò chơi of Thrones. And although it’s unfortunate that Little Ned’s life was so short, at least now he can rest six feet umber.

Now that the demon-child is gone, we’re heading bachồng to lớn Winterfell. It’s time for Sam khổng lồ tell Jon about his parentage. It doesn’t go over super well. Jon doesn’t want another dad. He had the best dad in the world! Jon went from thinking he was a bastard child lớn an outcast within his own family lớn a member of the Knight’s Watch khổng lồ literally deceased, & he’s now being told he’s the rightful heir khổng lồ the Iron Throne. That’s one hell of an identity crisis. Jon didn’t take any of it well. It’s basically a longer version of this:


At this point in time, there are only a few minutes left in the episode. If you’re like me, you’ve sầu got one question rattling around in your brain: where the hell is God’s greathử nghiệm gift khổng lồ man, Jaime Lannister?

Fret not (as I did): he’s arrived in Winterfell. He’s looking scruffy & scraggly and oh so handsome. His moment of joy of finally reaching his destination is short-lived, though, as he makes eye tương tác with Winterfell’s most eligible serial killer, Bran. There’s no better way than this fantastic đoạn phim lớn sum up the feeling of absolute dread Jaime must be feeling upon realizing that the little boy he pushed out of a 20-story building years ago didn’t plummet to his death. You done goofed, Jaime. You stupid, wildly handsome man.


Can you feel the drama circling the air? Can you taste the forbidden romances abound? Can anyone please help Bran leave that one spot in the courtyard? trò chơi of Thrones’ final season may have just begun, but it’s already so much fun, isn’t it?

THE VERGE FANTASY LEAGUE STANDINGS

Julia Alexander: 75 points

Top scorer: Beric Dondarrion (75 points)

Note: It’s the final season of trò chơi of trò chơi of Thrones — & the first one I ever got to lớn play as part of Team Verge. Best believe I am playing along.